For decades pageant lovers have preached about “beauty with a purpose”, and beauty queens have been used as the faces of “saving the world”. They mostly live fairytale lives that end in happily ever after stories as a result of networking with some of the richest and most famous people on Earth. So when the media tried to make it seem like Dabota Lawson’s royal horse drawn carriage had turned into a pumpkin Cinderella style because of a heavily publicised divorce from billionaire Sunny Aku in 2017 - it would have been easy to believe that her perfect dream had turned into the worst nightmare. However, for Dabota it seems the saying that royalty is in the blood couldn’t be more true, and her emancipation has made her more of a queen than ever! Sis is being real about owning her journey - mistakes, regrets and yucky decisions included - and is picking herself up and keeping it moving. Somebody say Queen, because Lord knows we all have a few things we look back at and wish we had done differently. It begs the question: “What’s a Queen without her King?” the answer - well, historically, more powerful.
The MBGN UK 2009 beauty queen always proved herself beyond beauty. With a degree in Financial Economics from the University of Leicester she is also a qualified Chartered Accountant. Of course we all know about her trend-worthy style, but she also has a reputation for being expressive and articulate. So when she bared her soul to her 500k plus followers on her Instagram page to talk about her regrets, we grabbed the popcorn. Here is a recap in case you missed it..
It’s actually okay to reflect and feel remorseful for making certain decisions. She got a King to join her kingdom in 2014 but, eventually, she decided to rule her kingdom without a King- she got a divorce. About a year and half after her marriage to Sunny Aku, Dabota filed for divorce on the claims that Sunny Aku, her husband at that time was still married to his fourth wife Chioma Aku, making Dabota the 5th wife. They say a King has to have many wives, but obviously being the 5th was a bad idea for Dabota. She gave birth to a daughter shortly after filing for divorce.
Her post is soaked in regret - an unfiltered confession of the consequences of doing things she knew were not right for her. In the long haul, so many of the things that the majority of us would have believed would mean everything just didn’t for her. One thing I am sure of is that at one point or the other, we’ve all had a couple of things we did that now fill us with regret.
We all have our shortcomings - especially the ones created by choices we made in the past. I however believe that facing my truth in the midst of our regrets could be the key to fulfillment. So many women live in denial of their truth. Sometimes, we go too far sweeping things under the rug instead of finding inner-peace. That’s why we love seeing a reminder that we don’t need to hide from our truth neither do we have to fake a brave face in the name of “me? Nah nah, no regrets”. No regrets is almost an anthem right? But let’s be real here, who really has no regrets?
It goes without saying, some of our biggest regrets originate from major life choices; “why we are married” at a certain age and “who we married”, whether or not we are ready to have a baby, why we have chosen a certain career path, why we decided to go through with the divorce etc - and its almost blasphemy to confess they are regrets. Society has found coded ways to tell us to us to suck it up.
I love the fact that Dabota has faced the truth about her choices;“This weekend I spent a lot of time thinking and talking about past events in my life . My friends kept saying Dabota everything happens for a reason and you are who you are today because of all that has happened. But I said to them and myself NO!! I’m not soooo thankful….”. We all understand the “everything happens for a reason” theory, but our girl was not here for all that sugar coating and we shouldn’t be either.
“...I wish I could see the future of how some of my poor decisions will stay haunting me , because they actually do Every time I win or do better it’s because I chose to and I took a right turn , not always because I’ve learned a lesson...” I know that feeling, when it feels like the worst of our mistakes will never go away, but what’s done is done right? Sis, we’re going to have to choose to learn from our past experiences. Yes, even when it hurts like hell, you have to rise, “choose the right turn”, “win” and do better”. There is a quote that says “don’t cling to a mistake because you spent so much time making it”.
Have you ever stopped to think that regrets handled the right way could be a good thing? What we do with them is everything.
“ ...The only thing I know is my mind and heart is just stronger, too strong for my own good, I’m almost not in touch with reality and strictly focused on pursuing goals and making sure everyone and everything around me is fine.I miss being carefree and the softness and innocence I used to have. I hate the fact that I have major trust issues and assume everyone has an ulterior motive around me . I mostly regret ever getting married in 2014 (please keep all that lessons and whatever you think I got from it talk) I hate the fact that I did! PERIOD!” That was it for her. She decided to stop being defined by her challenges. It's hard to be consistently strong, but homegirl is determined to fight - just like we should be. I can confidently say we’ve just been schooled about using our undesirable past to fuel a brighter future! Thank you Queen Dabota!